Righting My Wrongs: A glimpse at ‘Travel Therapy’ by Andrea Doyle Graham
Andrea is an award winning journalist and notable editor with over 30 years of experience working on different projects across all genres and profiles
“At The Lodge at Woodloch, choice is cultivated,” the guide to classes and activities read. And what choices there were. Forest bathing, kombucha making, meditation – we packed our schedule with as much as possible.
“Mothers and Daughters: The (Im) Perfect Relationship” was the name of an evening workshop presented by Ilana Tolpin Levitt, M.A., M.Ed that seemed particularly apropos as the weekend was a Mother’s Day gift from my two daughters, 26-year-old Megan and 23-year-old Ashley. The description of this workshop stated: “Our society encourages mothers and their adult daughters to be ‘best friends’ but is that the ideal for this special, intimate and intense relationship? This interactive workshop will explore the psychological, cultural and biological factors that impact the adult mother-daughter relationship and the unique issues that can make it complete. Find out the universal answers to what we want our mothers and daughters to start, stop and continue doing to enhance the relationship. All women are daughters and are invited to participate solo or with your mother and daughter.”
“We made our dinner reservation accordingly so we wouldn’t miss what sounded like an insightful discussion. Never did we expect it to impact our relationship the way it has. The questions Ilana asked are soul-stirring – thought-provoking – and spurred conversation amongst us to such a depth that we all have a connection on a soul level.”
“Ilana facilitates conversation that is from the heart to the heart. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect a weekend getaway to lead to making amends for wrongs that still impacted my daughters. Conversation flowed from the gathering room to the fire pit to the dock overlooking the picturesque lake to the guest room. She drew all in with her poignant and insightful perspectives of how the conscious, and the subconscious aspects of the mother-daughter relationship impact one’s ability to have a fulfilled life.”
“The following night, Ilana lead a discussion titled, “The ‘Good Enough’ Mother: Saying NO So You Can Say Yes, '' which was described as, “Mothers would do ‘anything’ for their children, but should they do everything? There is no such thing as the perfect mother; even the mother who gives her children everything may leave them lacking the opportunity to grow. Kids learn to navigate the world when all their needs are not met. The challenge is to redefine good enough mothering for the reality of our present-day lives because too many mothers are still trying to be perfect and not leaving enough opportunity to build resilience.” Riveting. Ilana’s experience as a counselor, as well as working with her mom and others on mother-daughter relationships, gives her truly unique perspectives. She asks questions that get to the heart of an issue.”
“By facilitating group discussion, she helps all stand in their truth and identify and get rid of old conditioning that may be stunting the relationship. Understanding where we come from will help us live our best life. For instance, a mom whose daughter was away at college shared some of her challenges. Ashley, similar in age to her daughter, shared her perspectives. The next night, the woman enthusiastically thanked Ashley and said she would stop at her daughter’s college on the way home with her newfound understanding and empathy. Another mom, early on in the divorce process, shared with tears in her eyes her fear of spoiling her children as she was overcome with guilt for their broken home.”
“Ilana let my daughters, raised by me, a single mom, respond, explaining that the best way to spell l-o-v-e is with t-i-m-e. The woman’s shoulders dropped as the girls addressed her, and she let out an audible exhale. “This is the first time I actually think we may be okay,” she said. Although some of the conversations were challenging, Ilana made sure they came from a place of love. Defensiveness, blame, or judgement did not have a seat at this table. This workshop was a true blessing as I am afraid that if I didn’t have the conversations I had with my daughters that weekend, the identified hurts would have festered, causing unease in their wake.”
“Ilana not only changed our mother-daughter relationship, but she also changed our lives. What an unexpected and valuable Mother’s Day gift I received that weekend, a better understanding of myself as a mom, my relationship with my mom, and most importantly, my relationship with my daughters.”
